I’ve always been negative in a lot of things, and I find much difficulty in seeing the positive. It’s hard to detach from these emotions even if you convince yourself again and again, that it’s nothing personal. Sometimes I just want to end it, because of certain situations, because of how it makes me feel about myself, how dispensable I appear, how it crushes my ego, how I feel I’ll never be good enough, how no one really looks out for me, how I feel like people are out to get me, how I always need to prove something before I feel good about myself. I don't know, I just want to let these things out.

Labels: Writing

I found a few posts on pinoyexchange.com about how people find my food pictures. I have collected and posted a lot since I started to document what I eat. That was more than two years ago.

This girl's got the magic eye!

WOW, those are amazing food shots. She must have a degree in Hotel and Restaurant Management.

^ or a large gut...

Labels: Writing

I have set up a new site at wordpress, thinking that effronte.org won't be back up anymore. Now that its back again (many many thanks to Nicole), I guess I'll be staying here. :)

Labels: Writing

i'm in our dinky hotel lobby, and i'm having a hard time typing from this italian keyboard. it's been a good couple of days so far. the very short lent holiday is not nearly enough to see this wonderful country, but i'll take it, it's better than not being able to visit at all.

Labels: Writing

I went there not expecting anything, a bit uneasy because I was-- in my book, unprepared. I haven't really read up on the history and the places, and I just deplore being an ignorant traveler like that. Or, okay... tourist.

I thought it was just another snotty 'royal' city, but surprisingly I ended up falling in love. I hope to be back and actually go inside the museums and palaces, and perhaps fulfill these petty, pretentious dreams:

1. See Klimt's Der Kuß and Judith at Belvedere
2. Visit the Kaiserappartements
3. Get on the Riesenrad at Prater.
4. Go to a real kaffeehaus and have a latte and big delicious cream cake or sachertorte
5. See the Boys' Choir
6. Mozart's home or the Freud museum
7. Hundertwasserhaus (by the Austrian Gaudí)
8. Schloss Schönbrunn and the gloriette

Just putting things onto digital paper, lest I forget.

Labels: AT, Writing

Currently on work assignment. It was my first time to fly alone, the four flights (yes the company wants to save money that way) lasted around thirty hours, spanning three different time zones. It was tiring and disorienting to say the least. I've had a lot of misfortunes in the past week; postponed flights, switching to a less preferred airline, a delayed flight, an almost missed flight, getting lost in a massive German airport, rude airline crew, uncredited frequent flyer miles on ALL tiers, confiscated 55-dollar perfume, crashing laptops, missing my family, 2°C weather, internet-less apartment life, almost zero culinary skills.

Of course everything isn't doom and gloom. I should stop whining and put these behind me now. Til here, you have a good one.

Labels: Writing

Merry Christmas, one and all. :) Have a great 2008 ahead.

Labels: Writing

I will no longer try to be your friend. I don't know what has transpired between then and now that made you change, it must be something I did, it must be something you did, it must be some event that I am unaware of. I don't understand at all; the alienation, unfair treatment, the obvious awkwardness in conversation (at your end), the elusiveness and erratic moods. After these months of trying, I will no longer care. I've had enough.

Labels: Writing

November has been incredibly good too me. For the longest time I have been feeling like a rotten person / daughter / employee / friend / relative / sister (and so on), that looking back at my good fortune these past few weeks I feel like I don't deserve any of these things.

Labels: Writing

What's your take on post-processed images? Admittedly (and I don't deny it), I do it too, usually using Picasa. I make the colours more vibrant, then straighten and crop as needed. After acquiring my digital camera I realised that even in the best lighting conditions I am not quite satisfied with the slight washed-out quality of my pictures... and then Picasa came along, and it made everything easy-peasy.

Recent conversations and experiences made me feel defeated as some people / purists may consider post-processing 'cheating.' It is subjective opinion really, but from time to time I do feel that some people scoff at my images because it's not real camera work.

At the end of the day I try to convince myself that in the real world, the end result is more important. You chose to go digital for a reason and editing is part of the digital photography process. I don't want to take this too seriously or impose certain rules for myself.

Labels: Fauna, PH, Writing

I started having cloudy vision early last night, while still at the office. It's such a horrible feeling because you feel like you're going blind. I was trying to read from my computer and the blurriness made me feel so nauseous. Apparently it was yet another migraine attack, which I thought I already outgrew around six years ago. Fifteen hours later I still feel woozy. I hope it really is just a migraine attack.

Labels: Writing

I still have a backlog of pictures I've been meaning to post here. However I haven't been motivated enough to sort through my files and write the accompanying text, tags, html code. The internet has changed my habits and shortened my attention span so much so that I cannot even sit through a 90-minute movie or finish my ever-growing reading list.
I'll try this once more.

Labels: Writing

I'm so annoyed that the latest version 2.0.0.8 is laden with bugs. The search word function is erratic, the homepage title still shows even after a browser tab is closed, it crashes from time to time, and popup windows cannot be resized. Ugh.

Labels: Writing

"How do I learn to take beautiful photographs? There is no lack of subject matter. There is only lack of vision."

Labels: Writing

...And i found a very pretty park
I sat down on a bench and ate the sandwich i bought
it was very tasty
and then something happened.
Something that is hard to describe
Sitting there, alone in a foreign country,
far from my job and all the people i know
a feeling came over me
as if i recalled something.
Something i have never known
and for which i have been waiting.
But i didnt know what it was
Maybe it was something i had forgotten
or something i had missed my whole life.
I can only tell you
that at the same time i felt
joy and sadness.
But not a great sadness
because i felt alive.
That was the moment when i fell in love with Paris
and the moment i felt Paris has fallen in love with me.

Vivant.
Oui.
Vivant.

I am not in France, let alone Paris, but I share the same feeling as Carol (Margo Martindale). There is something exhilarating about being transplanted in another place, albeit temporarily. There is an unexplainable mix of joy and sadness, of being an outsider, and an insider at the same time. Everything looks beautiful and new; your senses are suddenly awakened and you relish each and every mundane experience-- biting into a juicy peach, successfully ordering your food in the vernacular, vain but funny attempts to communicate with random strangers... I could go on and on.

Labels: Film, Writing

How I wish I won't ever have to deal with people flaking out on me, especially without good reason.

Labels: Writing

* BE MORE AGGRESSIVE
* GET MORE INVOLVED (TALK TO PEOPLE)
* STAY WITH THE SUBJECT MATTER (BE PATIENT)
* TAKE SIMPLER PICTURES
* SEE IF EVERYTHING IN BACKGROUND RELATES TO SUBJECT MATTER
* VARY COMPOSITIONS AND ANGLES MORE
* BE MORE AWARE OF COMPOSITION
* DON'T TAKE BORING PICTURES
* GET IN CLOSER (USE 50mm LESS)
* WATCH CAMERA SHAKE (shoot 250sec or above)
* DON'T SHOOT TOO MUCH
* NOT ALL AT EYE LEVEL

- from the notes of Tony Ray-Jones

Labels: Writing

I can't begin to imagine how painful it is for the affected people right now. And I can't really understand where the deep hate is coming from. Surely it mustn't be that bad-- look at the world, a lot of people are worst off. The company has provided you a lot of opportunities too. Admittedly there are problems in the system and that has been evident in the number of resignations. But it's unfair that all the burden and the blame is on one person.

It's simple, really. If gets so bad that you can't stand it-- leave, move on, be happy in another place. If you can't stand it and you're still here, making anonymous cheap shots because "it's all you can do", then what does that make you? You have the power to get yourself out of the hellhole that is your working life, unless your cowardice or ineptitude prevents you from doing so.

Labels: Work, Writing

What a lovely night. Took a walk by the Danube riverbank, we wanted to span all three bridges, but we got lost on the way to Bridge Apollo... walked and walked until our legs hurt. Capped off the night with half a pint of pivo fresh from the tap, and some vino biele. It's enough to give me a buzz that would make for delicious sleep. Dobrú noc!

Labels: Architecture, Night, Panorama, SK, Writing

There's a heat wave in Central & Southeastern Europe, and for some reason this causes the power to go off at the office by mid-morning. This is the second day that we were sent home early. To compensate for the unproductive hours we are required to come in at 7am, and on the weekend. :|

Labels: Writing

Today is St. Cyril & Methodius day in this part of the world. I'd get to visit H&M finally. Plus pizza and pivo for dinner. Yay. :)

Labels: Writing

Back in this 'seemingly obscure' country in Central Europe. A lot of people may not have heard of it but it's rather lovely.

Last night, I jogged two laps and skimmed stones by the lake... at least I tried to, I wasn't very good at it. We had a good laugh over that. Soaked in warm peach-raspberry scented water, while having a cup of cherry yogurt. I haven't had the chance enjoy these cheap thrills in a long while.

It doesn't get dark until after 9p.m. This is something new to me, and I'm thrilled about it. The days are seemingly long, and you get to do more things while the sun is up.

Labels: Writing

I find many interesting photos in Flickr.

Chaka camwhores (mehn ang dami neto)

sleazy bar owners violating Filipina girls

colourful happy things!

Lovely paper journal entries

Proud asawas of philandering expats

the unparalleled Miss Stephanie

Kris Aquino canoodling with the descendants of the Greek gods.

Labels: Writing

A LOT GOES ON
BUT NOTHING HAPPENS.

Labels: Writing

"Understand that the Internet is not life nor does it make a good Second Life. It's a part of life, but it needs to be in its place.

If you spend a lot of time on the Internet, remember this fact that is already in your subconscious: your life is limited. If your surfing habit does not change, imagine how you would feel looking back on life and seeing all the wasted time in things that mean nothing. The same holds true for video games, especially MMORPGs. Remember, all the loot you get, all the levels you attain, all the quests you complete and kobolds you slay, mean nothing when you log off. However, there is one thing that will change: you will be older than when you started.

-- From 8 Things to Reduce Your Stress (A Geek Must-Read)

Labels: Writing

Reading Estan's movie posts made me bring back my film log. I've been keeping track of the things I've seen in the past four years. I've seen so little last year, as I got sidetracked by Lost (I stopped watching after Season 2), and some other fluffy stuff like Project Runway and Top Model.

I hope I can reach the 100-titles mark this year.

Labels: Writing

Last night I went to the prom. It's been a long time in the waiting, since I didn't attend my senior prom in high school. But at the age of 39 (yes!), I got dolled up in a black dress and heels and rode a tricycle to the ball.
Anyway, I forgot my camera. I would have liked you all to see the image of me dressed up and riding a tricycle over a bumpy dirt road to get to the town basketball court for the dance. Not your Madison Avenue affair, mind you. Just when I was feeling guilty for spending about 600 pesos ($12)on my semi-formal dress, I learned that some of the girls are spending 3,000-plus pesos to buy or rent a formal gown for the night. That is more than many families in my town earn in a month! That is 75 percent of the tuition for one semester at Bicol University!

http://juliainthephilippines.blogspot.com

I found Julia Campbell's blog, Philippine-based Peace Corps Volunteer. My heart really goes out to her and her family, such a beautiful, giving soul. I found her long unupdated flickr site too. She was just found dead in Batad, Mountain Province. [link]

Labels: Writing

I stopped writing because it made me feel vulnerable. That's why I posted photos instead.
I'd like to try to do more definitive posts to come with the pictures this time.
It'll take a while to backtrack, though.

Labels: Writing

SCHMAP.COM is great for those who are planning to travel to European or North American cities. It's a downloadable dynamic application which integrates maps, hotels, restaurants, tourist sites within your chosen city. I'm in the photo credits in the Prague Schmap guide, and the funny thing is, I've never even stepped outside the city airport.

Photography Peeves. I don't claim to be good or educated or whatever, I just love looking at interesting and beautiful photographs. Photography has replaced what blogging used to be, everybody wants to be a photographer, everyone wants an SLR, or the latest point and shoot jampacked with features you probably don't even know how to use.

"If only I had a better camera, I would take better pictures." I repeat again and again, your camera does not matter! It can only do so much. You can even take good pictures with a cameraphone. A friend used to shoot lovely images with an old 2.1 megapixel camera. Another uses a rickety plastic camera and expired film. Don't think owning an SLR can entitle you to a photographic license. You just need to know what works and what doesn't. Perhaps the most important rule is simplicity. Shooting a scene with a lot of things going on is to be avoided; once you have that down pat, you're on your way to improvement. No "busy" pictures with no focus on a subject. Composition is everything. You take that out of a technically strong photograph, and it'll be reduced to a waste of digital space.

"Trying Hard To Be Artsy Shots." Dark and blurry pictures, inappropriately underexposed / overexposed, weird camera angles with no subject at all. I don't get this. If you're going for unusual, "artsy" shots, you have got to make it work and not leave your audience with these thoughts-- "whatthehellisthis."

People who got the goods but don't deliver. You can buy (and brag about) all your latest equipment but still produce mediocre or worse yet, substandard output. That's such a waste of tens of thousands of pesos.

People who get into it just so they can shoot and consequently, mingle with fine photogenic specimens of humankind. Revealing photos bordering on sleaziness. When an artist does it, you can tell that it is devoid of any malicious intent.

Digital purists who scoff at postprocessed photographs. Photoshop, Picasa, The Gimp, iPhoto etc. are there for a reason.

That's a lot of work-induced angst right there. Carry on. :)

Labels: Writing

Moving back to

http://frances.effronte.org

:)

Thanks.

Labels: Writing

The world is too big for love to be real. There are too many people in the world to ever know, beyond everything, that you are with the right person. That your heart is as swollen as it can be. Think of all the people in China. It is unlikely anyone will ever meet all of them. How can we know for certain, for absolute certain, that trapped inside a foreign language and thumping in a foreign heart there isn't a love that is meant for us. The infinite possibility of existence, its limitless potential, is the proof we need that love is nothing more than an imagination, a human folly, friendship swollen with self-importance, a final retreat from the storm of possibility. The love of our life could so easily have been someone else. It is random and accidental, haphazard and unsystematic. That which we fell for one person, clinging on to the delusion of destiny, could so easily be felt for a million people should the timing and the meetings and the mutual readiness have coalesced at some other time in some other place. Should someone else have accepted us or rejected us then everything would have been different. And once we know this, we know that all love is a lie. Not honesty but deception. Not heroism but cowardice. An unspoken agreement of mutual consolidation and compromise, a shield from possibility and a bed in which to sleep, nothing more than that.

But I do still miss her.

(Daniel Kitson)

Labels: Writing